Please check my paragraph for grammatical errors

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iLiaHoang
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Location: Ho Chi Minh city, Viet Nam

Please check my paragraph for grammatical errors

Post by iLiaHoang »

Sai Gon was a heart-breaking place
It was late in the afternoon, the rays of sunlight turned red-orange through the leaves flickering in the wind. The streaks of sunlight shine on the sad face of the girl wandering on the street corner. With heavy footsteps and wistful eyes, she was lonely making her way through the bustling streets. She walked on the straight road with no turns, a familiar path led to a house in the alley that she rented. In a drunken stupor, she became drifting and out of consciousness. Her mind was confusing and she fell down toward the curb.
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Mr Greg
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Re: Please check my paragraph for grammatical errors

Post by Mr Greg »

It was late in the afternoon, and the rays of sunlight turned red-orange as they flickered through the leaves in the wind. The streaks of sunlight shone on the sad face of the girl who was wandering on the street corner. With heavy footsteps and wistful eyes, she walked alone, making her way through the bustling streets. She followed a straight road with no turns, a familiar path that led to the house she rented in the alley. In a drunken stupor, she began drifting in and out of consciousness. Her mind was muddled with confusion, and she stumbled and fell towards the curb.
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